When I am with you

Category: Writers Block

Post 1 by Kaibod (Generic Zoner) on Sunday, 14-Nov-2010 1:10:54

I am strong when I am with you.
I am weak without you.
I can see when I am with you.
I am blind without you.
I am a hero when I am with you.
I am a zero without you.
I can fly when I am with you.
I’ll fall without you.
I am unstoppable when I am with you.
I am defeated without you.
I have love when I am with you.
I have nothing without you.
Everything is real when I am with you.
Everything is imaginary without you.
I am myself when I am with you.
I am somebody else without you.
I am on top of the world when I am with you.
I am on the ground without you.
I forever want to be with you.
I never want to be without you.

Post 2 by Sword of Sapphire (Whether you agree with my opinion or not, you're still gonna read it!) on Wednesday, 24-Nov-2010 11:36:54

It's a good poem, but I don't like its layout. The repetition of the phrases "I am" and "when I am with you" take the feeling and depth from the poem. I suggest you have two stanzas. the first something like this.
With you I
can see,
can fly,
am strong,
a hero... and so on.

And the second something like this:
Without you I:
am weak,
a zero,
have nothing... and so on.